I guess I’ll get some of those
So, I go to a local establishment specializing in buffalo wings. I am there because there is free boneless wings sponsored by the “Senior Events Planning Committee” or something like that.
Anyway, I show up and look at the buffet which consists of two pans of unsauced boneless wings. That’s fine. The sauce is sitting in front of them.
What’s the problem? There are no utensils in either of the wing pans.
I ask the waitress, “Is there any way I can get these onto my plate without using my hands?”
She unwraps two plastic forks and puts one in each pan.
Can I fire you?
BofA, more like PofS
sometimes in life, you like to close your bank account and changes banks. when i tried to do this (the first time) the seemingly-smarter-than-i teller did some smart, fast typing, and said, “your account is now closed, is there anything else?”
“nope, i’m good. thanks.”
two weeks later i get an envelope from BofA saying my account is over-drawn. what account? i closed that thing weeks ago?
so, back i went to the bank of demons i thought i’d chased out of my life, where i was referred to an even SMARTER-than-i teller/manager who informed me that “the tellers behind the desk don’t actually have the authority to close accounts, and so, since your account was not receiving direct deposits, you were automatically being charged the no-direct-deposit-fee, and since there was no money in your account, those fees made your balance negative, hence the $35 over-draft charge. let me just remove this charge and close the account for real this time.”
two weeks later…the same bill came again.
can i fire BofA?
Then why did you ask?
Me at drive-thru: “ummm…. and a coke.”
[long pause]
him: “uhh… we don’t have coke, is pepsi ok?”
me: “that’s fine (since they’re the same thing)”
[I pull forward, get food, and am waiting for my drink.]
him: [after looking at the soda fountain for 12 seconds] “You said coke right?”
me: “Yes…”
him: “I don’t think we have coke.”
c.i.f.y.?
It’s not the penny, it’s the principle…
I just went through Dairy Queen’s drive through, and my total was $5.34 I had a $5 and a quarter and two nickels. He watched me search for this change. After he punched a few buttons, the cash drawer flew open. He looked at me and asked,
“Do you really want your penny back?”
Well, I can’t very well say ‘yes’ now, can I fire you?
P.S. When you told me it’ll be a few minutes, and close the window. Don’t take two steps back and then just stare at me. That’s creepy.
Another Charter Story
I was recently called and asked if I wanted to upgrade my service. I explained that I was actually looking to get another promotion because they expire after 6 months and jack-up your rate. The man on the other end calmly explained:
“We usually only offer those big promotions if it sounds like the customer is about to cancel their service.”
Wow. Can I Fire You?
Do you deliver?
While feeling lazy, I wanted to order delivery on a Friday night, but no pizza. There is a takeout food delivery service in my area that will pick up from any restaurant for a small fee. Problem is, I dont know the name of the service, so I dont have their phone number.
Thinking quickly, I called the restaurant I wanted to order from, and asked if they knew the name or phone number of this delivery service, as I specifically remember seeing the restaurant on the delivery service flyer, which I had misplaced. The young, not-too-quick kid who answered put me on a 7-10 minute hold while he asked everyone in the restaurant if they knew the phone number to the delivery service. He came back and said, “no, sorry, we dont know their phone number,” and we hung up.
A few minutes later, I looked on the restaurant’s website for their menu, and noticed, in large letters, that the restaurant, themselves, delivers. So I called back.
Same kid answers the phone.
“Thank you for calling *******, can I help you?”
“Uh, yes, do YOU deliver?”
“Yeah, of course. What can I get for you?”
“Can I fire you?”
How about a 6?
Have you ever found that perfect pair of shoes? You ask the salesperson for a 7.5, because after all that is your shoe size. After of few mintues the salesperson returns with not only a big smile on their face but a shoebox in their hands. They open their mouth and say, “We didn’t have 7.5…how about a 6?”.
Hmm. Can I fire you?
I know, another cable story
Yes, I was ready to make the big switch to cable, bundle it all, and save a fortune. When Cable Man showed up, he began unwinding a long coil of wire across the side yard. When I came out to inquire, he informed me that my alarm came in at a different point so he was going to staple 50 feet of wire across my house to make the connection. Not that I needed to explain, but our house is a 135 year old National Landmark home, and I think the wire may have been a problem. (Not to suggest that this would EVER be acceptable on any home!)
When I halted the process and asked him to leave, he huffed away mumbling “I coulda lifted it over the doorframes if you wanted.”
Can I fire you?
I meant what I said.
I don’t like tomatoes. I even have a tattoo that says “no tomatoes.” I ordered a sandwich at a local sandwich shop lately, and we talked about my tattoo and how she hates tomatoes too. My sandwich came with a big old red bastard smiling right at me from between the bread. Can I fire you?
First Day, eh?
I originally called AT&T to request they repair a fallen, disconnected phone line in my backyard, although as I scrolled through their website I realized that their wireless internet prices were half of what I was paying with my current provider. Giddy as a happy camper I also requested to be transferred to sales to sign up for their service, and then it began.
Mind you, I’m on AT&T’s website looking at the prices and availabity for my area and found exactly what I wanted. It was DSL ELite, the fastest wireless you could receive, and it was for my area for $35 a month “without the need of local phone service”.
The agent tells me he is glad that I called and reassures me that he’ll give me a deal for switching from their competitor. Great!
Now every question that I ask in reference to his sales pitches, he puts me on hold then laughs off an apology. For example, I had to buy a new modem: Modem A was $15 more than Modem B…but he couldn’t tell me why. Finally he put me on hold and came back to say that Modem A was the wireless, and Modem B was a plug in…eh? Then he told me that the DSL Elite was not in my area, and that he could give me DSL Express, a package two steps down…for the same $35!! “Does this sound like something that you would be interested in ma’am?” This is where I started to get frustrated, because again I am online looking at these prices. So I said ‘no’, and ‘why’, and was put back on hold to be told that it would be a “dry loop” package because I do not have a land line set up so it would be more expensive. I told him the website said I didn’t need one, that I should receive the same prices, that it was false advertising, and reminded him that I still didn’t get my discount for switching from a competitor. Back on hold. He comes back to say that the best he can do is take $5 off a month. “Does that sound interesting to you ma’am?” No.
He finishes off by asking my social security number and informs me that he will be running a credit check.
Can I fire you?!
Trying this on Tumblr.
Before investing in some powerful expensive software to let everyone throw in their stories with flawless ease, we’re going to test this whole concept on here.